Dealing with bad news

One of the things i hate most in life is dealing with bad news – or when you have expectations of certain things and they don’t turn out the way you had planned or hoped. I usually try not to have high expectations because i feel like i will always be let down, and i would rather have low expectations and be surprised than to get that awful feeling when things don’t turn out the way you had hoped. But also i don’t often make up scenarios in my head of how things will be or how things will turn out – because they never turn out the way you had thought, that is just life.

So recently, i.e yesterday i had to deal with some “bad news”, or well…. i didn’t get the answer i had hoped.

On Monday i went to look at a student apartment which i had been offered, and i had place 2-5 in the queue, so there was a good chance i would get to rent the apartment. When i went to look at the apartment i fell in love with it…. The perfect apartment for me and a great area of the city, not to mention close to the nature but also close to school and the gym. When i left the apartment viewing i just knew i had to have the apartment and would have moved in there the next day if i could…. but i also knew that as i didn’t have the first place in the queue there was a risk i wouldn’t get the apartment…. because well, why wouldn’t someone want to rent that apartment?

Anyway i answered yes to the offer and the next 24 hours i basically refreshed my email 10 times a minute to see when i would get a response and know if i got offered the apartment or not…. and well, by the title of this post i am guessing you already know i didn’t get the apartment. I have to admit… i wanted to cry when i saw that email. Of course i had tried to mentally prepare myself for getting a no, but i was still so set on being offered the apartment and i wanted it so badly… infact, if i could have i would have paid to be given the contract. However the system is based on the number of days you have been in the housing queue and i just don’t have enough days (c.a 1,5 years i have been in the queue now.) There is a huge housing problem and lack of apartments in the city i live in and it is stressful. That time after time not getting offered an apartment because i don’t have enough queue days… and then when you finally get to view an apartment and want it so badly but don’t get it… it sucks. Most of my Wednesday was just spent feeling sorry for myself, hahahah.

I love where i live now and if i had a choice i wouldn’t want to move from the location i am living in – so preferably i want to find an apartment in the same location. However after almost 2 years of sharing different apartments and never having my own first hand contract i am ready to just have my own apartment. There is nothing wrong with sharing and my housing situation is great now (i.e it works fine with my flatmate and i love the apartment), but i just want my own place. Which isn’t so weird after having shared apartment with different people so many times throughout the past 2 years. Though it is easier said than done to find a first hand contract on an apartment atleast somewhere close to the city. So the search continues i guess…..

Image result for apartment searching

But i thought i would write about… how to deal with being let down/dealing with bad news. Of course how you cope with bad news will also depend on what the bad news is…. i mean if you find out a friend or family or even a pet has died,  or even finding out you or someone you love has a terminal illness is a little different than just finding out you weren’t offered an apartment (But still have a few months left of your current contract.)

I don’t usually cry i.e maybe once a year, hahah. And usually deal with being let down/bad news rather well, however as i am feeling unusually tired, unmotivated, tired of winter as well as hormones everywhere i think i took the bad news alot harder than i should have/would have normally.

So how do you cope/what should you do?

First of all… let yourself be sad. It is ok to feel sad and it is a normal human emotion. Cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. Just allow yourself to feel what ever you are feeling. Trying to bottle it up won’t do you any good and those emotions will just resurface again sooner or later.

Talk to someone or write out your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes just explaining how you feel or just talking about it can help lift the weight from your shoulders and help you feel better. Sometimes you just want to say you feel sad and angry without someone telling you that ” it will get better”… but the truth is – it will. Whatever you are going through, whatever that has caused those emotions and feelings will pass and in time you will move on.

Do something nice for yourself. Maybe take a long bath or shower. Make your favourite food or buy yourself a treat… something to cheer yourself up and treat yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just be kind to yourself. Sometimes when you have your expectations or hopes broken you can feel alot of strong emotions which can be scary, but just be kind to yourself… those emotions will pass and things will get better. You will move on!

Also remember to eat and to rest. Especially if the sadness/bad news takes alot longer to deal with. I am the type of person who loses their appetite when they get really anxious or feels alot of emotion or when i deal with setbacks in life…. so for me personally i need to force myself to eat so that i don’t end up feeling worse just because i haven’t eaten. However for others they might end up stress eating or emotionally eating, and then it is important to try to maintain a balance with your intake and food so that you don’t restrict or emotionally eat to deal with how you are feeling.

If you find that you are feeling extremely upset or anxious over the news/don’t know how to deal with your emotions. Try spend time with a friend or family – someone so that you aren’t alone and feeling anxious and upset.

Give yourself time to be sad, angry, feel what you are feeling. But then after max 24 hours, pick yourself back up again and try not to dwell on the past or the news. Instead focus on what you can do, what you can impact and change. Sometimes you just got to deal with bad news and not let it pull you down. Instead accept it and try to move on.

It is also important to note that you shouldn’t compare yourself or your situation or how you are feeling to others. It is easy (for myself anyway!) to think, oh i shouldn’t feel upset over this… so many people have it worse. And yes, there will always be people who have it worse… but you are still entitled to your feelings and you are allowed to feel upset or angry and you don’t need to feel bad about it. Just because someone has it worse doesn’t mean you can’t feel sad about your own situation – of course you can’t and shouldn’t stay sad forever, but in the moment it is ok!

All throughout life you will deal with ups and downs. Dealing with bad times and bad news and have hopes and dreams crushed… it is just part of life. Not a fun part of life, but you can’t fall apart and want to give up each time you get some bad news or get a set back. You still have to pick yourself up and keep going. Keep working towards dreams and goals!!

Image result for be kind to yourself

I remember feeling this sadness and anxiousness when i found out i didn’t get accepted to the dietitan program in 2016 and i just thought “what is the point”…. i just wanted to lie in bed and cry for 3 days and not do anything because i had set my expectations and hopes to get in and suddenly they came crashing down. But here i am almost 2 years later and happy with the program i did get in to and things have worked out anyway. And i know the same thing will happen with my living situation… eventually i will find and have my own apartment. I just hope that it is sooner rather than later haha.

I have to admit, writing this post has helped me deal with some of the anxiety and sadness i am feeling right now. And i plan to just be kind to myself and allow myself to feel sad today (wednesday) and then on Thursday it is back to normal and focus on searching for other apartments elsewhere and not allowing myself to feel sad anymore, hahahah.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. caroljoanne1969 says:

    Property hunting is stressful – I totally agree with you. Maybe a fairer/kinder system would be for you only to be invited to view the apartment if the person before you in the que had turned it down – that way you wouldn’t get your hopes up so much?
    We are looking to move house and so far haven’t had any luck. Either we just can`t find anything or we don`t like the actual house. So when I saw a house up for exchange at the other end of the village where I live now I was so excited. I had been in one of these houses before so knew what they and the area was like a would love to live there. We rent our house through a housing association and they have this scheme where you can advertise your house on their website and look to “swap” your house with someone else also on their swap list. The house that interested me was in a lovely part of the village, is a good size and a nice layout, so it would`ve been ideal. Our house met all the criteria the other people were looking for so I thought we were in with a chance! So I contacted the people currently living in the house only to receive a text message back the next day saying that they were sorry but they already had a “swap” in progress – they had already found somewhere and the paperwork was going through. To say I was disappointed was an understatement, I had set all my hopes on that house and it was a crushing blow to be told it wasn’t available anymore. Really it should have been taken off the website as soon as their swap was initialised, but for some reason it hadn’t.
    So it is hard to deal with set backs and all the emotion that goes with it. But you have to somehow pick yourself up and carry on again. I just told myself that it obviously wasn’t meant to be and I had to be patient and keep looking as somewhere would eventually turn up for us.
    I hope you have better luck next time with finding/securing an apartment. Just tell yourself that when you do at last secure your own apartment it will be even better than the one you had just viewed 🙂


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