One of my goals for 2018 is to stop doubting myself and stop holding myself back. For so many years i have kept myself back and not done things i have wanted to because of anxiety and self doubt. Sometimes i wonder how many things i have missed out on because of anxiety and self doubt… so many times i have said no when i wanted to say yes. (But there have also been alot of times i have said yes when i have wanted to say no, just because i am a people pleaser and that hasn’t always lead to good results.) I guess i just need to get better at actually answering with the real answer… not saying yes when i mean no, because i want to please others. And not saying no, when i want to say yes because of self doubt and anxiety.
So when my friend asked if i wanted to join her and try a crossfit workout at a new gym that is opening my first thought was yes, that sounded like alot of fun. But then my second thoughts were… No, what happens if i am bad at the workout. I know my friend is amazing at workouts and alot fitter than me and i didn’t want to embarrass myself. What if she didn’t even want me to join, just asked to be nice. (I struggle with constantly feeling like my friends don’t like me… and i am trying to realise that they do infact like me as a friend.) All these doubts and insecurities that made me want to say “no” and just stay in my comfort zone. Not try something new and step outside of my comfort box(though i have done a 4 week crossfit course which i LOVED. And if crossfit memberships weren’t so expensive i would definitely want to sign up to a crossfit box!).
Instead of answering my friend i decided to give myself some time to think…. think about what i really wanted to answer and why i was doubting myself.
I finally realised that it was just self doubt and insecurities. And the only way to overcome those is to face them – just like with all my past struggles, you just need to face them and realise they aren’t so bad.
So what if i suck at the workout tomorrow? I am going to face my insecurities and doubts. I will most likely have a fun time with my friend, talk to some other fitness lovers at the gym and hopefully have a good workout and a fun time. I have nothing to lose by atleast trying. And i know if i said no i would regret it… i would sit at home wishing i had said yes and angry at myself for once again letting my insecurities and anxiety make the choice for me.
It is easy to stay in your comfort zone. Easy to let your anxiety and doubts control you and your life. But at some point in your life you have to face those and overcome your fear and doubts. And that is one of my main goals for 2018!!! Since 2016 i have made so much progress in these areas in my life i.e moving to a new city, studying a new program and creating a new life, making new friends, going on different dates with people and not letting anxiety hold me back, and just trying new things and being open to new opportunities and experiences…. and i just need to keep doing that! I can say that over these years the anxiety is alot less with trying new things, talking to strangers and making new friends. It does get easier to step outside of your comfort zone and you get to experience so many new things when you just try and dare to step outside of your comfort zone every once in a while and not let anxiety hold you back!