Somedays you wake up and you just want to roll over and go back to sleep – unexcited and unmotivated for a new day. That was exactly how i felt today… that heavy feeling where you just think “Nope… i am not doing this. I am not going to leave the house or do anything productive today”.
However i dragged myself out of bed at 7.30am, made myself coffee, showered and jumped back into bed again and that is where i lay for the next hour just scrolling through social media, trying to find some type of energy to start the day. Energy no where to be found despite drinking two cups of coffee.
So i decided to put on a podcast, clean the apartment (or well, there wasn’t much cleaning to do, but change my bedsheets, clean my fridge, wipe down all the cabinets, sweep the flour) and then made myself breakfast and began to write on my essay.
When i began to feel done with my essay writing – almost done with it! – i thought, i need some fresh air. Even if i had 0 physical energy and just wanted to lie in bed i knew i would feel better after getting some fresh air – and it sure did help a little anyway. Somedays the hardest step is to just leave the house, but once you have left it is just to do what needs to be done.
Then it was home for lunch before heading off to a job interview with the worst anxiety/nerves stomach ache which i always get for meetings or interviews. I have been on several interviews throughout my years but they are still just as nerve wracking, and i was preparing for myself for the interview questions i might get such as strengths, weaknesses etc But when i got to the store and had the interview it was over within 10 minutes and was told i would get the job. Or atleast 8 weeks during the summer which is perfect. I didn’t think it would go so quick and as it was the first job i had applied to this year i didn’t think i would get it… but i guess because i have worked at stores for 2 years in a row and last years summer job gave me alot of experience they felt confident that i could do the job! So i am excitec that i atleast have 8 weeks of work… but now i just need to find 6-8 weeks of work somewhere else so that i can manage the summer, haha.
When i left the store the sun was shining and i felt positive, happy and filled with energy thinking… what had just happened? I was not prepared for that quick decision haha.
I walked home in the sun, stopped in the shop to get a few items to make home made ice cream (if it turns out good i’ll share the recipe tomorrow or Friday!). This day has taken such a strange turn from the negativity and tiredness this morning…. now i am filled with energy which i think is mostly due to the sun and warmth that appeared!
For two years in a row i have worked all summer which i love – i love working and want to work as much as possible. But i am also wondering if i should maybe take a month to live at home with my parents where i can save some expenses i.e still may my rent and bills but maybe save money buying food and just have a month where i can be free and have a summer holiday – maybe be out on the island with my family. Maybe begin with my first health coaching clients and build up abusiness… who knows. But part of me also knows that 1) i love the city i live in and i don’t actually have anywhere to sleep in my parents house anymore as we moved my bed to my apartment, 2) i would get extemely restless and irritated at my family after a week or two and none of my friends would be in Stockholm and 3) i would miss my own freedom and being independant in my university city, so i think it is better to focus on getting a second job for a few weeks before my other job begins. Who knows what i will do in the summer but atleast some of the stress and worry is decreasing as i have applied for courses for the summer, gotten a job and just feel on top of school work and like i can do other things than just study!
Sometimes you wake up with negativity and tiredness and a change of mindset and just doing something can help you feel better. I know that if i had just stayed in bed and refused to do anything i most likely would not have felt better. It is easier said that done, but you just need to snap yourself out of it (that being said – if it is just a tired/unmotivated type of day. If it is mental illness you can’t just “snap out of it”).