Today has been a really good day but also a really strange day.
Well it started off with sunshine and a walk to school followed by a lecture and having half of the lecture out in the sunshine which i loved. And then lunch out in the sunshine with my friends before i had to leave for a meeting.
It was a meeting for guidance and advice about starting my own business and all i can say is that the person i met was extremely negative. She basically said that i shouldn’t start a business because i wouldn’t succeed and that there were no jobs in the health branch.
I know that starting my own business will be hard and there will be ups and downs. And it will be an investment in time and money to start with, but i am ready for that…. but maybe not right now. Instead in autumn or summer when i have more time to focus 100% on taking on clients and working on my business.
But basically i left the meeting feeling sad, doubting myself and feeling frustrated.
At the moment i am studying motivational interviewing and how to help and inspire and motivate people to reach their goals. And well the coach i met was far from inspiring or motivational, instead she made me doubt myself and my capabilities…. basically the last thing i need as i already doubt myself enough as it is.
But i guess this is real life… people won’t always believe in me or my dreams. Not everyone will support me…. but all i got out of the meeting was “how to not be a coach”!
But i called my mum and ranted and felt alot better about myself. I know i will succeed even if it takes time!! As long as i believe in myself!!
Then i headed home, did some school work, and then headed off to a park/forest where my friends were going to run a 5km race. They had asked me if i wanted to run as well but i have had so many doubts about myself and my fitness recently. So i said no as i haven’t run in months… even if i know i could manage to run 5km and enjoy it. I had too many negative thoughts that told me i wouldn’t be able to run it. So instead i said i would join as support and sit and watch their bags.
However while i was sitting there i was hit with a major identity crisis!! Basically I’ve always been the fitness girl. The girl who is the runner and works out… but suddenly im not. Not running anymore and barely able to go to the gym 2-3 times a week.
I had these thoughts of who am i? I know i am not the gym or workout. And my identity isn’t as a fitness girl…. but i couldn’t help but feel very sad and lost. Am i even a fitness person anymore?
Sounds so strange but i just feel a little lost and overwhelmed in my life right now. And i wish that i didn’t let my doubts and negative self talk affect me so much. I should have just said yes… stepped outside of my comfort zone. Stop saying no and doubting myself so much.
Feeling sad, lost and stressed at the moment. But trying to focus on the positives instead and hopefully i can learn from these feelings.
And know that i can succeed and am more than fitness or working out.
It’s just like with recovery from my eating disorder and depression… realizing that i wasn’t my illness and i couldn’t define myself and my identity as a sick person.