It’s been a week since my last life update, i think, so keeping up with my regular weekly schedule…. here is an update of my past week 🙂
On Saturday i really didn’t do much, i felt tired mentally and physically, so after going for a morning walk i mostly spent the day inside watching the documentary Stairs on Netflix. Also made some cauliflower wings, and kept dinner super simple with roast potatoes and avocado-pea guac which has gotten alot of positive response which i am surprised over!!
Sunday started off making banana and oatpancakes (recipe HERE) then while i eating i scheduled and wrote some posts followed by a gym workout and then picking up my new order of Celsius energy drinks. I don’t recommend drinking energy drinks, but i don’t personally follow that recommendation, hahah. The rest of the day was spent watching the Stairs (finished the documentary series!), planning for the upcoming week, meal prepping and made myself a mini barbecue!
Monday was a full day at the hospital…. I had already prepared myself mentally for a long and tiring day. But it was made worse with the fact that my alarm never rang, so i woke up 5 minutes before my appointment began. So it was just to get dressed, brush my teeth, throw things into my bag and go…. (Thank gosh for meal prep so i had lunch ready and didn’t have to buy anything!). I ended up arriving 25 minutes late, and then it was blood tests, x-rays, CT scan, bone density scan, spirometry tests, physiotherapy, doctor appointment and a physical-conditioning test…. 7,5 hours of different tests.
I was mentally exhausted when i came home. If you have followed me for a while you will know that every year i do these types of tests for my Cystic Fibrosis, some years i do eye tests and hearing tests as well as ultrasounds for my liver and gallbladder as those can also be affected by my CF. You would think i am used to this after 22 years, but going/being at the hospital still gives me major anxiety. Just my monthly appointment at the doctors gives me anxiety, so having to spend a whole day there is not my idea of fun. However, at the same time i am thankful that i haven’t been an inpatient or admitted to hospital for several years (well aside from a few days back in 2016, i haven’t been an inpatient since 2011-2012). And in the past i used to have IV antibiotics 1-2 times a year as a child, and some people with CF spend the majority of their time in hospital…. so atleast i am thankful that it was just 8 hours and not 8 weeks of being stuck in hospital.
The rest of the week? Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?
Work, free time, watching crime series on Netflix, cooking and baking… feeling anxious! I had planned to write about my days but i really haven’t done much these past 4 days…. i feel like i have been in a sort of anxiety blur where the days just go together and i can’t even remember what i have done. I definitely feel like i should start journalling again… one of the good things about daily blogging about my life is that i actually remember what i do each day and it is easier to think about things i am grateful for in my life each night. But now the days just all go together and i can’t really remember which day i did what!!
One thing i do remember though was that on Thursday evening there was power outage which affected half the city(or something like that) and lead to some sort of alarm ringing in our building for 45 minutes and i had no internet or coverage…. A few moments of panic when i didn’t really know what was happening and couldn’t call or contact anyone. But finally the electricity turned back on, but the internet didn’t begin working again until 24 hours later…. It did show me just how much internet i use when i suddenly didn’t have access to wi-fi. But i was working half the day so it didn’t bother me too much.
Which brings me to…. my new work, which begins after midsummer but already working a few times there, and i can say It is alot better than my current work situation. Just one more week left. But it has been causing me serious anxiety and i am not going to return to that form of work again as it affects me so negatively. But i am looking forward to having my work schedule for summer – even if it is long days, hard work and won’t always be easy or “Pain free”, it feels alot better mentally than it does now anyway haha.
And lastly… the 30 degrees warm weather and sunshine has gone back to 15 degrees, grey and cold…. typical Swedish summer i guess. But i am just hoping that the sun and warmth comes back and i get some time to be in the sunshine between my work shifts!
I don’t really know what else to write… my life isn’t so exciting at the moment, but as mentioned… it has been a week of constant anxiety and i have just been some type of blur of negative mental health. (i also partly blame my current mental and physical state on the antibiotics…. each time i take them i always end up feeling terrible mentally as well as physically where i feel nausous and sick. So i don’t think it is just life anxiety, i think the medication just affects me negatively. And this is something i have noticed for the past 6 years, that whenever i am on antibiotics i end up feeling terrible mentally and physically).
But this weekend i am focusing on trying to feel better. Maybe start journalling again, call my family as i have pretty much avoided all their calls and messages this week, get some fresh air and just take care of myself this weekend!