Last night i couldn’t sleep and was just up thinking about different things. Instead of just lying in bed and not getting any sleep i decided to get up and write down some of the thoughts in my mind. And those thoughts included writing down all my goals and dreams… turned into 2 full pages of goals i want to achieve.
But not only did i write down my goals and dreams, i also wrote down all my fears. I don’t plan to share my goals/dreams or my fears, apart from one fear and that is…. the fear of failure. I have mentioned this before, but writing it down really got me thinking.
I have a rather deep rooted fear of failure, and i don’t know why.
I think it is because i am such a high achiever, i always want to do my best and achieve the best. I want things to be perfect and i want to succeed at everything i do, and if i think i won’t succeed i don’t even try. Like, if i know i am bad at something i don’t try because i don’t want to seem bad at it (or just have it confirmed that i am bad.)
This of course means i never really get better at certain things because i don’t work or practise them – because i don’t want to be bad.
But it also means that i don’t even try certain things, or try to work for certain things because i am scared of failing. This holds me back ALOT.
In a way i just want to fail at something…. of course i don’t actually want to fail. But i think failing at something is a life lesson i need to learn. I need to learn that it is ok to fail, that things will work out anyway, even if they don’t workout the way i want or planned them to. Failing isn’t the end of the world and yes… i am sure it is awful to fail at things you have worked hard for whether it is school grades and assignments, applying for jobs, or work assignments/other goals. But i think i just need to learn that even if i fail at something, atleast i tried and that is SO MORE IMPORTANT than not even trying.
You learn so much from failing – or so i have heard.
Like the quote goes, “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried”.
Everyone starts off somewhere. You have to be a beginner and learn to get better. No company starts off successful, i am sure there are ALOT of failures and mistakes behind successful businesses. Different successful athletes have all begun somewhere and practised and worked their way to success.
I really need to overcome the fear of failing and learn that life goes on and i am sure i would learn alot from trying and failing than never trying at all.
Like with all fears, to overcome them you have to face them. You can’t keep running from your fears unless you want to be controlled by your fears.
Writing down your goals and dreams can help you achieve them, but also writing down your fears and what holds you back. Analyzing and reflecting over your thoughts.
(This is also great to do if you struggle with an eating disorder, i.e write down your fears and think rationally. That was what i had to do in recovery…. i had to write down all of my irrational fears and just try to think clearly and rationally about them.)
Maybe one day i will stop letting my fear of failure hold me back so much and just get more confident and realise that failure is just a learning experience.