My relationship with food after an eating disorder….. can you fully recover from an eating disorder?

So last weekend i made a video talking about, my relationship with food after an eating disorder among other things. However i felt i didn’t quite stick to the topic and couldn’t formulate myself the way i wanted. I.e, i should have sat down… thought about what i wanted to say and then filmed. Not just make a spontaneous video without so much planning or thought.

I had thought maybe i should just refilm it – or refilm and add some things to the video. But i thought… why not just write a post, after giving myself some days to think. Sure, not everyone who watches the video will read this post… but i have always thought it would be easier to exprss myself via video, but maybe not…. maybe i am better at expressing myself via writing and blogging.

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So let’s talk food and food relationship after an eating disorder?

After having struggled with an eating disorder, i don’t think your relationship with food will ever be the same. You will not go back to the same state of mind you had before you struggled with an eating disorder. I.e if you have spent time counting calories or seeing food just as numbers, that is  not something you just unlearn. HOWEVER, you can learn to not let it bother you or give you anxiety. You can RELEARN to see food as food – as nourishment and enjoyment. But the knowledge of calories and calories in food won’t just go away – or it will atleast take years for it to do so.

Also, you may learn how to actually eat a balanced meal and food intake. Take myself for an example – before i got sick with my eating disorder, i didn’t have the best diet. I was a picky eater and ate bread, chocolate and chicken nuggets. But after my struggles with eating disorders i have learnt what balance is, what a balanced and healthy diet is over a period of time. Because, yes i have days where my diet isn’t so balanced.

Your approach to food changes and it can be in positive or negative ways.

For some people, they never learn to have a healthy or balanced approach to food again, and for others they can learn to have balance with food.

The only way to reach balance is to change your mindset and approach towards food. But so many factors affect eating, mindset and approach to food such as who you  socialize with, what you choose to watch/listen to/follow online etc And even things like stress, medicine, other mental health issues etc can affect your way of eating or approach towards food and eating.

Positives

  • you have had to actively work towards a healthy and balanced relationship with food. Meaning you most often have a healthier approach to food and eating than those who have never suffered with an eating disorder and think that feeling guilty after eating certain foods, or jupming onto every fad diet is normal and/or healthy.
  • Also many “healthy” or “normal” people can micromanage their food such as count calories or point, or weigh their food and count macros. Of course it never goes to extreme lengths or takes over their life completely like it would if it was an eating disorder… but in my opinion it is not a relaxed or balanced approach to food if you are counting and weighing your food. But for some, yes they may need to do that for a short period of their life – just to learn right portion sizes.

 

Negatives – for me personally. And i hope to not get critiqued, but instead to be open and honest. This was the sort of point i wanted to get to in my video but didn’t quite get to it… instead i sort of had this defensive way of talking… not wanting to admit these things. Instead wanting to “Prove i am healthy and eat balanced”, but i think it is just as important to talk about these things. Because even if they don’t make me sick, they are things which have stuck with me from when i was sick .

Example, i hate eating in big groups of people. Sure i do it… but i don’t like it. If i can avoid it i will. Instead i would rather just eat like a bar or something similar if i have to eat in big groups or with lots of people.

I don’t like eating around/with new people… such as first dates. Of course this is something i am getting better and working on. But once again… it is not something i like doing.

I do prefer to eat alone. This is something which i notice i vary alot from others i know… because pretty much everyone i know wants to eat with others. It is a social thing and they don’t like eating on their own. Whereas i would eat alone 100% of the time if i could. And i wonder if this is just because i am very introverated, or if it is something left from my time as sick. I don’t know. (I mean i do eat with others and it is fine, but once again… i would prefer not to. WHen it comes to my family i have no problem and don’t mind eating with or infront of them).

I hate people watching me eat. Infact, i hate it so much that i can stop eating because i feel so awkward. However.. i don’t mind being the only person eating. Example if i am with my family and i am hungry, then i will eat even if they aren’t eating. And the same goes with my close friends…. ex. if i am hungry for lunch before or after them, then i will just eat when i am hungry even if they aren’t eating then.

 

I do however truly believe that you can fully recover from an eating disorder. Some people say you can’t and that you will always be sick – just that you control it. And i understand that, that was how i felt when i was still half recovered or a “functional sufferere”. I thought… “this is it… i will be able to eat, but still feel guilt sometimes, still control food, still feel anxious towards some foods, still restrict and binge…. but i will be able to go to school, live life, eat somewhat normally and function.”

But i can tell you… you can get free of those things. However it does take time and changes need to be made. I didn’t just wake up one day free and recovered, it was a slow process and i didn’t even notice that all the small choices and changes added up. Finding YOUR balance takes time… but please don’t settle for half recovered.

 

Note* Even if i say i dislike eating in big groups of people or eating infront/with strangers, it doesn’t mean i don’t do it. And it doesn’t give me anxiety… it’s just that if i could choose to not do it, i wouldn’t do it. For as long as i can remember i.e the past 10´years i have disliked eating in big groups of people and felt self conscious eating infront of others. However it is no longer something that gives me anxiety or something i completely avoid doing, but it was something i had thought about and wanted to share.

 

^the meals i ate during my half recovery.. i.e i ate, but sure wasn’t alot or balanced.

These were just some things i wanted to mention and share – and i didn’t quite get it across in my video.

 

 

 

Why do vegans call substitute foods for meat/milk etc?| Should there be other names for vegan substitute foods?

A while ago i recieved a comment which asked me about… why do vegans call their substitues for the meat/dairy alternative.

I.e oatmilk, vegan cheese, “orange ch*cken”, “b**f stirfry”, eggplant bacon etc

I can’t answer for all vegans, but i can atleast answer for myself and give my thoughts and opinions on this subject.

For some i think it may just be habit… i.e milk is just a liquid “milky” type substance, cheese is a block of of yellow or more creamy like cream cheese or dessert cheese. Sausage, ball and burger are just referring to the shape of the food.

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I mean it clearly says meat free on the packaging….

It is just easier to say what the vegan alternative is an alternative FOR than to just recreate a new name. However in 2017 there was an EU law that plant based isn’t allow to be labelled milk and instead has to be called “drink” (An exception to coconut milk in a can…). (source) This is because dairy farmers have claimed that plantbased milk is misleading because people might buy them thinking it has animal milk and then realise it doesn’t………  I have never heard of anyone making that mistake… if anything, i have just heard of vegans making the mistake of buying animal products because the labels havenät been clear and have been misleading….

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Of course what people say when speaking to each other or in text can vary…. some still called plantbased milk for milk and others for drink. There have even been attempts to get the EU to ban vegan cheese and vegan butter/spread from being called cheese or butter…. once again, because it is misleading. But according to the court, as long as there is a descriptive or clarifying word before such as tofu cheese or vegan butter it is ok. And the same goes for vegan fake meat – usually people say soja burgers, soja meatballs, vegan minced meat etc

However, in France “MPs voted to ban terms including “bacon”, “steak”, “sausage” and “cheese” where the product has not come from an animal, on the grounds they can be “misleading” to consumers. (source)

ban vegan france

I personally don’t see how vegan foods can be misleading when they most often have a vegan label or atleast have a clarifying word on the package. But also…. what is so wrong if you accidently buy a vegan option instead of the dairy or animal product? (If you have allergies against something, then i would hope that you would read the ingredients of the new product you plan to buy and eat and not just look at the front pacakage and assume it is ok. Just like with vegans… if you buy something new… read the ingredients first.) So i don’t really see the problem if someone accidenlty buys a vegan alternative, isn’t it just better.

There is of course the argument that as vegans we are trying to move away from eating animals and that it is sort of backward if we still call our food for the non vegan option.

However my personal opinion is that it is just easier. It is mostly out of habit that i call plantbased options the same as the non vegan option, however i usually always say “veggie burger/soja mince/oatmilk/vegan cheese”…. but i know that some vegans don’t. They just call their food for steak/cheese/burger/meatball without clarifying that it is vegan.

I also think it makes it easier for non vegans to maybe try the food if it is something they can relate to. If the food sounds too strange it can deter people from trying.

When it comes to veganizing and recreating recipes i usually just call the vegan version the same as the “Original” recipe i.e vegan orange ch*cken (or i clarify that it is made from seitan and has no chicken), tofu f*sh fingers, eggplant bacon, vegan carbonara, vegan mac and cheese etc

I could of course call those dishes something else such as pasta with vegan cream sauce and roasted eggplant, or pasta with vegan cheese, or breaded and baked tofu. But that doesn’t sound as relatable or understandable to many non vegans. I mean eggplant bacon isn’t bacon…. which should be sort of obvious, and i don’t think i should have to write out… thinly roasted eggplant with liquid smoke so that people don’t accidently think that eggplant bacon is literally bacon?

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This of course is just my opinion on this topic.

I understand both sides…. It is both easier and out of habit to call vegan options the same as the non vegan option, but also it is sort of strange when you want to move away from animal products and eating animals.

Feel free to share your opinions on this… i would love to know what YOU think!

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New month – August goals – Life update!

Hello and good morning everyone!!! And happy new month… if that is even a saying, haha.

I have very mixed feelings over the fact that it is August. Just one more summer month before the coldness begings slowly creeping in, and i am NOT ready for it. This summer i have noticed how much the weather impacts me, my mood and my energy levels. I really wish it didn’t, i wish i wasn’t so affected by the weather but for some reason i am.

The days it has been grey, gloomy and rainy i feel slow, tired, not as motivated and somedays even get this weird headache. Whereas the days it has been warm and sunny i feel so much happier, more energetic and life just feels amazing.  I am already dreading the winter months and how it may affect me mentally… but I am trying to just live in the present and not worry about the future, because who knows…. maybe this winter i won’t feel sad/low/anxiety ridden.

I only have a few more work weeks which is crazy, it has gone so fast. I remember in the beginning of summer just waiting and longing until i could start the job and have a schedule to work after. And now it is almost over…. I don’t know whether i will keep working even when studying, it depends on my schedule. I still don’t even know what and where i will be studying this autumn as i have applied to both distance courses as well as courses in different universites in my uni city. Just a few more days until i know, but even then i might not fully know until September if i end up on the reserve list.

There is not so much to say about my life recently. Work, went to a party with my work collegues – which was a good way to get to know them better, though i wouldn’t recommend being out until 2am when you have a work shift that begins at 6am the next day.

Otherwise i have been trying to get back to the gym after c.a 2 weeks away. I haven’t felt motivated and haven’t had the time because of my work schedule and the gyms open times are awful. It hasn’t bothered me though because even the times i have been able to go to the gym i just haven’t wanted to. But Monday i finally went back and i realised just how much i love strength training and working out at a gym. It feels like my second home and i feel in my element. I love the feeling of being strong and just feeling capable! Sometimes you need a break just to realise how much you like something.

And finally…. for some reason i feel like i have aged 5 years and want to finally begin decorating my apartment. I am the type of person who doesn’t care about interior or design. I want to keep my apartment clean, basic and black and white – very minimalistic style. But for some reason i suddenly want to buy pictures to put on my walls, i want scented candles and lights. I want to decorate my apartment. Not to mention i want to invest in a hoover and different kicthen appliances such as an airfryer, better mixer as the one i have is c.a 1 mix away from crashing, hahah. Also i am beginning to realise just how small my apartment is… i LOVE MY APARTMENT. But because it is so small.. no matter how clean it is, it still looks messy. Just the smallest of dust or curmbs is visible on the floor and just having one or two items that aren’t in drawers or cupboards makes the place look messy. A sort of clean freak inside of me is coming out. Not sure why…. i go through periods where i just clean everyday and want to deep clean everything and have no mess anywhere. Though the thing about living on your own in a tiny apartment is that you seem to have to clean everyday no matter if you just seem to lie in your own bed the majority of the time… a mess piles up somehow.

Modern Small Apartment Decorating Ideas On A Budget 13Home Tour — Hailey Andresen

Best Small Bedroom Ideas On A Budget 43Den här veckan har det märkts tydligt att det vankas inredningsmässor alldeles runt hörnet (danska Northmodern går ju av stapeln i dagarna och nästa vecka kickar Formex igång och därefter väntar…

I am also feeling this huge urge to travel… i have seen so many travel pictures and i just want to explore the world. See new places. I am tired of myself for holding myself back so much… either it is anxiety or don’t have time or don’t have money… always a reason or excuse. But someday i just want to travel and not have reasons or excuses holding me back.

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So to end this post i thought i would share my August goals?

  1. Live in the present. Stop worrying about autumn and winter, just enjoy what is left of summer.
  2. Treat myself. I have worked… i have gotten a paycheck. If i need a hoover or want to buy a scented candle for myself… do it, don’t overthink it for 2 weeks and then talk yourself out of it. If i have the money, then why not treat myself.
  3. Get back to a regular sleeping schedule!!!
  4. Stop doubting myself so much
  5. Take more action – do more, instead of just dreaming!

 

I really don’t have so many goals this month if i am honest. Maybe get back to actually reoplying to comments and keeping in contact with my family weekly!!  But i feel like once school starts it is easier to have more of a routine and schedule. Even if going back to school means you are never really free as there is always reading and assignments to be done. Whereas now when i work.. when i leave work i am done and can just do other things and have nothing lingering in the back of my mind. So really i should have more time to blog, reply to comments and workout now compared to during school term!!

Anyway, this was my long life update and August goals!! Feel free to share your goals below 🙂

 

 

(Also to those emailing/messaging me – my old blog is back up again. The domain name had gone out of date so i had to renew it and set it up again so that my old blog is still available. I may not post there anymore but i know many reread old posts there, so i thought i would atleast rebuy the domain name for another 2 years and then after that i’ll see what i do 🙂 )

 

Vegan stylish bags with fake leather – Gaston Luga

Do you ever find a company or a product and think, why have i never seen these before? They are amazing? That is how i felt when the brand Gaston Luga contacted me.

I have been a fan of backpacks ever since i started university and realised that using a shoulder bag was causing me neck and back pain as i was walking to school with my gym gear, computer, books, food boxes and carrying it all on one shoulder…. safe to say it is not ergonomic at all. I then saw loads of people using a certain backpack which i loved however it was also made using real leather which is a big no-no for me , and the reason i won’t name the brand here.

So when Gaston Luga contacted me and asked if i wanted to do a co operation with them i couldn’t be happier because 1) How haven’t i seen their bags before?, 2) Almost all their bags are vegan (apart from the Pråper bags which i think have leather), 3) their bags look amazing and exactly what i have wanted but never bought for myself instead had to resort to an “on the sale sports backpack!” and lastly, if i can help create awareness for these amazing vegan bags and more people buy them instead of bags with leather the better!

So i ordered the black Clässy bag (had originally wanted the black classic bag as it was a little bigger, however they were out of stock [they are restocked now!]) so instead ordered the other version!

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This is Clässic range:

Clässic

This is the Clässic range:

Clässy

If you are interested in one of these bags you can get 15% off by using the code ” ISABELLE “. I don’t earn anything on the sales, however I can personally recommend this bag and if i can save you some money isn’t that great!! 🙂

So how much can i fit in the bag?

Well it is not as big as the other bags or my previous bag. However i can fit my computer (13 inch), computer and phone charger, 1 book, water bottle, small lunch box (& snack!), gym clothes i.e pants, top and sports bra (no gym shoes or jumper). And then of course things like pens, cards, medicine etc can be placed in the pockets inside the bag!

If i have a long day where i need to pack with me alot of stuff or if i plan to bring my workout shoes with me to the gym then i will need either another bag as well or use my old bag. But this is the perfect bag for uni or just if going out with friends or just need to bring some stuff with you!!

Also have to mention i feel so much more fancy using this bag than my previous bag hahahah… i feel like i have some sort of style!!

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What type of bags do you like to use? (I usually have SO MUCH in my bag…. almost like i can’t find anything in my bag because i have so much in it, hahaha!)

Also want to mention, i don’t often do co operations with companies. I get offered different co operations and at times even money for co operations, but if i can’t stand for the brand or the product i say no because i want to be honest about the things i review. And i review foods and products even if it is not a co operation – just to share different vegan foods and products! So know that if i do co operate with companies it is because i believe in the company and the product and believe that the review or the recommendation will also be a benefit to all of you – my followers 🙂